Monty downs a Meteorite

The batting abilities of Mudhsuden “Monty” Panesar are legendary. The Aussies and the English are still in the process of figuring out how, Monty in the company of James Anderson held off the Aussie attack for more than 10 overs in that eventful opening test match of Ashes 2009 at Cardiff. Ricky Ponting has thought so long and hard (that’s what she said!) about Monty’s escape that gray afternoon at Cardiff, his face has acquired a permanent pucker.

B.S. Chandrashekar, Christ Martin, Glenn McGrath, Narendra Hirwani and Courtney Walsh are absolute shoo-ins if there were to be a bunny “Hall of Fame” in Cricket. But Monty would’ve been reserved a seat right at the head of the table of bunnies. Easily.

Its quite possible that even the heavens were so bowled over by Monty’s magic on the last day of that Ashes test, they could not handle watching Monty bat yet again. Perhaps, the people upstairs thought it was sacrilege for Monty to bat. Ever. Probably why they sent down a meteorite to shoot down Monty during the 4-day game between Middlesex and Sussex.

Jan Marszel, 51, and Richard Haynes, 52, were watching Sussex players Luke Wright and Monty Panesar bat when a black object soared towards them.

Oh! So, Luke Wright, the blond-haired batting talent of the English side was involved in this, too? Wright’s batting when on song is all beauty. Except for the beauty part. Imagine you had a flyswatter in your hand and there was a pesky fly that has been bugging you so much that you are filled with rage and the only thing you want to do is, swing that bug-splatter equipment as hard as you could.. That’s Wright’s artistic batting display for you.

This explains why the meteorite was headed for the lowly County Championship Division Two game at the Uxbridge ground. The folks up above probably thought, Two birds, one meteorite. Done and Done.

Manchurian Candidate

This is a “Guest Column” written by a friend of the blog, Gautam.  Back in the day, Mohinder Amarnath called the Indian selection committee, “a bunch of jokers” but Gautam has gone a step further and has unearthed the conspiracy theory behind their seemingly stupid selection moves. Gautam’s rants will appear under the category “Wagle ki Duniya“- The Cricket Couch

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When the British ruled the Indian subcontinent as one of its colonies, they introduced the game of cricket to the Maharajah’s and the aristocrats during afternoon sojourns while trying to relieve themselves of the boredom of governance. (And if Mr. Gowariker is to be believed, even the ladies managed to introduce the game to some of the locals). When they finally left, they left behind a divided subcontinent. Historians believe that the “Divide and Rule” policy was a clever strategy by the British to cling on to the colonial rule and if unable to still do so, the least they would do is leave a divided subcontinent as a scar and mark of their dominance for a period of history. Little is it known that the real reason of leaving a subcontinent with divided nations was to ensure that the British team would not face the wrath of a united sub-continental team for in their time they had scouted some serious bowling talent on the western banks of the Indus and an immense batting talent on the other side of the divide.

Autobiographies

Recently I came in possession of a few books on cricket, including a biography and an autobiography. That made me think what the titles would be if some of the Indian cricketers decided to put their lives on print.

Irfan Pathan – I used to be a fast bowler

Ajit Agarkar – Get your ducks in a row

Sreesanth – Show the other cheek, said Jesus

Yuvraj Singh – Mom’s the word

Ashish Nehra – What happens in St. Lucia, stays in St. Lucia

Harbhajan Singh – Maa ki See, Maa ki do

Sachin Tendulkar – God promise, I didn’t hear it

Sourav Ganguly – Striptease

Rahul Dravid – The Bridesmaid’s tale

MS Dhoni – At the end of the day

Zaheer Khan – Return of the dead

Virender Sehwag – I’m a better clone than Dolly the sheep

Send in your suggestions for VVS Laxman, Gautam Gambhir, Munaf Patel et al. Its open season, folks.

The Big Tip

One of my earlier posts “A broken bond” was published in an Australian website, “The Big Tip” today. I need about 500 views in the next 48 hours. Please help me out here guys. Come on!

Please click here to visit my article on the big tip.

Spread the word.

Thank you!

Fan unfair

While being at a bar called “Shirley Heights” in Antigua and ordering a few shots of Bacardi 151 rum, my friends and I were pleasantly surprised to see, Adam Gilchrist was only at arm’s length, standing at the bar, ordering a few drinks himself. This was during the 2007 World cup. We were, of course, thrilled by the opportunity and to see a super-duper star so up close, was goosebumps inducing. We gathered up enough courage to actually ask him for a chance to get our pictures taken with him, which he flatly refused, very promptly. “Sorry mate! Can’t do it.” One of my buddies (you know who you are) with a couple of 151 shots in him by now, was dejected but well within Gilly’s earshot, bitched about this uncaring, un-fan-friendly attitude of Gilchrist and throwing in a asshole or two as well. Now, that’s just rude, isn’t it? We proceeded to take a picture or two of him anyway (as you can clearly see Gilchrist wasn’t comfortable with his pictures taken at a bar).

Hit ball, don’t see ball

The inimitable MS Dhoni doing something that is never ever seen on a cricket field! This from the India’s tour of New Zealand in 2009, 3rd ODI in Christchurch. The bowler is Grant Elliott.

From Cricinfo:

43.6

Elliott to Dhoni, SIX, Dhoni transports this around 30 rows into the stands over long-on, overpitched on middle and he just jabs it, went off the middle, some timing there

This doesn’t do justice to the “coolness” with which the shot was executed. (Skip to 0:23 if you want the slo-mo replay)

Alternate Reality

The Venue: Beausejour Stadium, Gros Islet, St Lucia

The Occasion: 2nd Semifinal, T20 World Cup, Pakistan vs Australia

The Scene: Chasing an improbable 192 runs to secure a spot in the finals, Australia, thanks to mind-numbing blitzkrieg from Michael Hussey, are at the threshold of proving to the world, yet again, the “Never say die” Aussie attitude.

The Equation: Australia are 187/7 off 19.3 overs. 5 runs required off 3 balls, off a so-far-very-ordinary Saeed Ajmal over with M. Hussey on strike (having just got to his fifty by hitting yet another thunderous swipe for a six).

Giddy up a second time

Remember one of my earlier posts (about Jayasuriya’s cricketing circle of life) was published on Akash Chopra’s website, http://www.cricketaakash.com ? Well, a second post of mine “Captain Crucifixion” was published as well there. Go to this link and click on my photograph there to read it. Leave comments if you can, about the post and its content, writing style or just say Hi.

Thanks guys and gals!

Giddy up!

My post about the cricket life of Jayasuriya coming full circle was published on a website run by former Indian test opener, Aakash Chopra. To check it out, visit this link and click on my picture or name as it appears on that page. Pretty cool. First time anything I had written has been published anywhere but my own blog. Sweet. This calls for a sexy party, No?

Poll Time