Tag Archives: Pakistan

The World According to Ejaz Butt

If Ejaz Butt were to be in charge of our history books:

  1. Brutus did not actually stab Julius Ceaser. Ceaser tripped on a rug and fell on a butter knife that Brutus was holding for the King.
  2. Jackie Kennedy actually was the second shooter on the grassy knoll.
  3. Elvis never left the building. He is still hanging out by that dimly lit corner.
  4. The Jews in ’30s and ’40s Germany committed mass suicide. They were part of a cult and it was just a 9-year long ceremony.
  5. Maradona cleanly headed that ball in for the goal.
  6. Radio killed the Video star.
  7. Two plus Two is most certainly Five.
  8. You can teach an old dog new tricks.
  9. Ricky Ponting is the most liked cricketer in the history of the sport.
  10. Tom Cruise is the sanest person in the world. Well, next only to Mr. Ejaz Butt.

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Ten Things about Group Captain Sachin Tendulkar

Source: AFP

On September 3, 2010, Indian batting ace, Sachin Tendulkar was awarded the honorary rank of group captain by the chief of the Indian Air Force (IAF) for his contribution to cricket. Instead of an honorary award, what if he really was a group captain in the IAF?

1.  Tendulkar will be the first airman to fly 200 sorties in one day. Everybody knew from the day he entered the Indian air force and started flying them planes, he was gonna be the one to break the 200 barrier. Some thought this day might never happen and have to live with the fact that a Pakistani group captain had the record for the most number of sorties in a day.

2. When Tendulkar enters the peak of his prowess as a true dog fight legend, his wingmen would be extremely terrible. They would be so inept that they can’t even do the one job that is asked of them — hold one end up with some fake firefight and pretend to shoot at the enemy here and there.

3. For the majority of his flying career, he would be saddled with hand me down jets from the previous era which malfunction constantly with failures at the most inopportune times. During an epic battle against an archenemy, he would get 136 kills over the skies of Chennai and leave the rest of the squadron to shoot down just 17 more, as his back engine was fouling up but alas, that wouldn’t happen!

4. In the “Battle of the Hero Cup”, when senior and more experienced fighter pilots like Devil Kap were dithering over whether they could deal the deciding blow, Young Tendulkar would volunteer to take control and launch in to a certain suicide mission, only to emerge victorious.

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Cancer of Doubt – The Spot Fixing Controversy

The latest alleged sudden fall from grace, if proven true, will send Pakistani Cricket back to the stone ages. Two of the best fast bowlers going around in the world, including a sparkling teenager with a million watt smile, with abilities compared to the finest exponent of left arm fast bowling ever, are in the middle of this quagmire. This is not a couple of cagey veterans caught in a get-rich-quick scheme. Due to internecine politicking that has come to define Pakistani cricket, the current team was forced to blood youngsters and consequentially, a team full of promise but struggling in the short term and certainly would have been a force to be reckoned with in the future, was in the making.

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Uber PWNage

James Anderson Match Figures: 37-15-71-11

Scorecard

Match Report

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Holding Willey Debut

I have been included as one of the contributing writers at The HoldingWilley. My first article “To Watch or To Switch” was published today. Take a look. Thanks.

Shit gets wickets

While playing for my university in the U.S., one of my mates, James who is an Aussie, after almost every time he would pick up a wicket, would say, “Shit gets wickets”. That was a brutally honest opinion from him about his own bowling. Although he was of wiry build, he could generate a decent amount of pace with his nippy action but his ideas about line and length – the fundamental tools for a good bowler – were non-existent. Well, he had some ideas about them but never could carry it out on a cricket pitch. Therefore, in spite of James’ best efforts, sometimes, the batsmen would gift wrap their wickets.

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PCB Classifieds

Now that Shahid Afridi has decided to retire from tests, after a grand total of one test match in his comeback trail, I am sure the PCB is on pins and needles as to who they are gonna replace him with. Thanks to Allah, Afridi decided to leave tests only after the second test of their home series against Australia – being currently played in England. Whatever.

Click here to read the job posting!

P.S. Sorry I have been away for so long. Corporate America is making me its biyatch.